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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as a rabbit on a date, when I spot this foxy chick – legs up to here, mini skirt so short it’s basically a belt. “Groovy, baby!” I yell, but then – bam! – some plonker tries rippin’ me off. Charges me double, says she’s “exotic.” Exotic my arse! She’s from bloody Essex! Got me all steamed up, that did – I’m no mug, yeah? “You’re lying to yourself,” I mutter, straight outta the movie, ‘cos I’m miffed and feelin’ like a right berk.

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Ah, Wallington, my friend, a damn place of mysteries and magic! You merely adopted the dark, but here, the dark adopted me! Let me tell ya—Wallington (us) ain't like any other city. I'm speakin' from my own life, runnin' a spa in this labyrinth of quirky streets and hidden gems. So listen up, cuz I'm spillin' the tea.

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