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Then—surprise!—cops roll by, lights flashin’, and I’m thinkin’, “Shite, busted!” But nah, they’re after some drunk twat pukin’ nearby. Dodged a bullet, me and her both. Happy as a pig in mud, I was—freedom’s sweet, innit? Dr. Evil’s like, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars,” sizin’ up the chaos like a bloody genius.

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I gotta rant a bit – some days, I get so mad. I'm like, "C'mon, Aberdeen, get your act together!" The local council, the potholes on Rembank Road, and oh, that stupid fountain in Heritage Square that’s supposed to be art. Honestly, who designed that thing? It looks like drunken graffiti on water. But hey, even the anger's beautiful sometimes. "La vita è un sogno che si dissolve" – messed-up wakeup call!

Shayden Morris sets sights on two more Aberdeen prizes after being named player of the year