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About Johannesburg

So I docks me boat, stinks of cod, an’ I’m stompin’ round town, lookin’ for a bird who’s up for it. “Is it ’cos I is black?” I’m yellin’, cos some geezers give me dodgy looks. Nah, it’s cos I’m a fisherman, smellin’ like a wet net! Found this one gal, right, proper fit, standin’ by the pier. She’s all “You got the cash, bruv?” I’m like, “Yeah, babe, I got coin from me cod haul.”

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Got a secret tip for you too – check out that dingy little café off Crumlin Street. The coffee’s so strong it’ll slap you silly, the pastries are as sweet as a scandal, and the owner’s always ready with a joke that’ll turn your mood from meh to whoopee in seconds. Seriously, it’s worth the detour, even if it feels a bit dodgy.

Fruit farms in Langkloof Valley affected by heavy snow