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About Nelspruit

So I’m thinkin’, back in ’78, toured Amsterdam, yeah? Red light district, mate – fuckin’ mental! Birds in windows, tappin’ glass, wavin’ like I’m s’posed to bow or summat. One gal, right, she’s got this look – “Pale Man’s eyes in her hands,” y’know? Creepy as shit, but I’m pissed outta me skull, so I’m like, “Oi, love, how much?” She’s all business, no faff, an’ I’m happy as a pig in muck. Paid a tenner – cheap as chips back then, mate! Little known fact: them prossies used to knit between punters. Fuckin’ wild, eh? Sittin’ there with needles, makin’ scarves, then bang – next bloke’s in.

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I kick about Hull Park – not many know, but it's my spot for a secret meltdown. I get spastic happy and raw when the autumn leaves fall. I even sometimes shout like, “Let's get Carlos crazy!” in a half-mad homage. Seriously, that park transforms. Ancient trees, wee ponds – pure magic, if you're feeling lucky.

Deputies arrest man with drugs and loaded gun at Holly Springs church