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Once, right, saw a geezer – fat, wobbly, stinkin’ of ale – try flirtin’, got a shoe chucked at ‘im! Laughed me arse off, nearly pissed meself. Stupid, fat hobbit! Them girls don’t mess about. But – ooh, gets me mad – them coppers bangin’ on doors, ruinin’ the fun. Why can’t they leave it be? Brothels ain’t hurtin’ no one. ‘Cept maybe pride, hah! Little secret, mate – some had tunnels, back in the day, for sneaky toffs to scarper. Crafty, eh?

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Then, I bump into my buddy, Vlad. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s tellin’ me about this time he tried to catch a fish in the river. “Dude, I fell in!” he laughs. I’m like, “Classic Vlad!” We’re crackin’ up, and I forget all about that crazy lady.

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