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Alright, motherfucker, listen up! Sexual-massage, man, it’s some wild shit. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’, oils drippin’, tension buildin’ like a damn volcano. Reminds me of *A History of Violence*—you know, that Cronenberg flick I fuckin’ love. Tom Stall’s got that quiet life, right? Then BAM, motherfucker, past creeps up, fists fly, blood spills! Sexual-massage ain’t no bloodbath, but it’s got that slow burn—starts chill, then hits you hard. “This is how it begins,” like Viggo says in the movie, all calm before the storm.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Hauptstrasse. You know, the one with the weirdly good pastries? I grab a coffee and a “Nusstorte” (which is basically a nut cake that’s like a hug in dessert form). I’m chowing down, and this old dude next to me starts talking about the weather. Like, bro, it’s sunny! Who cares? But then he goes off about how the weather affects the fish. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a diver, not a meteorologist!” But whatever, I nod and smile.

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