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Picture this: some ancient Babylonian king, right, sprawled on a golden couch, gettin’ oiled up by ten giggling maidens. Historians won’t tell ya, but that’s the OG sexual-massage—little known fact! They didn’t just knead his back, they kneaded his *soul*, and probly more, ha! Makes me happy thinkin’ how humans been chasin’ that buzz forever. But it pisses me off too—why’s it still so hush-hush? Society’s all “Mordor’s gates slam shut” on anything fun!

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Then I hit up the market on Shai Agnon Street. Man, the smells! Fresh spices, baked bread, and that sweet, sweet aroma of falafel. I’m starving, so I grab a pita stuffed with everything. I mean, everything. Hummus, pickles, spicy sauce. I’m practically drooling. But then, I drop it. Yup, right on the ground. My heart sinks. “Nooooo!”

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