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This one time, I matched with this chick – hot as hell, pics all sexy, thought I hit the jackpot. Then bam, she’s a damn catfish! Looked like Chef’s mom in a wig – I was pissed! “This isn’t a game, it’s my life!” – that’s some “Great Beauty” shit right there, ‘cause I felt that hard. Wasted my damn time! But when it works? Oh man, it’s like, “The sea’s wine-dark roar” – freakin’ epic, sweaty, awesome!

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the bird bomb, and I decide to grab a coffee at this cute little café on Ulica Mariborske. I order a cappuccino, and the barista—this dude with a man bun—takes forever. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “Dude, I got places to be!” Finally, he hands me my drink, and it’s like a work of art. I’m like, “Okay, fine, you win this round.”

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