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Started out last week, right, proper knackered after a pint too many. We shall fight the haze of booze, the fog of war in me head! Stumbled down Soho – not the posh bit, nah, the grimy end where the air stinks of chips and regret. Little known fact: back in Churchill’s day, they’d call em “ladies of the night” – fancy that, like they’re bloody duchesses! Made me chuckle, thinkin of some tart in a tiara, struttin like she owns the place.

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Now, as a masseur, I get up-close and personal with the souls in this city. Y’know all those hidden deets others might miss? Like that one chill spot by the lil’ creek near Booragoon Rd – seriously, it's my secret haven after a long day. Sometimes, I think, “Hey, my fingers know every inch of this city!” LOL, like, every muscle in these streets got its own story.

City of Melville awaiting test results after 50 birds found dead at Frederick Baldwin Park