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Oh, and the oils—lavender, jasmine, whatever—smells like seduction, but I reckon they sneak aphrodisiacs in there. Sly, yeah? Keeps ya coming back. Like Mia, staring out that window, wanting more—erotic-massage pulls you in, leaves you buzzing. Reckon it’s my secret weapon now—keeps me sharp, loose, ready to charm or choke some bastard. “What’s good for you?”—like Mia’s mum snaps—well, this is, love. Shaken, not stirred—fuckin’ perfect.

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! This guy walks in, right? He’s got a dog that looks like it just rolled outta bed. I mean, seriously, what’s with that fur? Anyway, he starts chatting me up about violins. Turns out, he’s a musician. Cool, right? But then he asks me if I can make him a “Stradivarius.” Like, dude, I’m good, but I ain’t a miracle worker!

Wexford footballers welcome back key players for Tailteann Cup campaign