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Oi mate, sex-dating, eh? Bloody brilliant mess! Me, Boris, The Jockey, wafflin on – love it! Picture this: swipin right, left, bloomin chaos. Like *Before Sunset*, that flick I adore – "time’s fleeting, grab it quick!" Sex-dating’s the same, innit? Fast, furious, no faffing about. Met this bird on Tinder once – cor blimey, legs for days! We’re chattin, vibin, then bam – ghosted! Made me mad as a hatter, it did. *Cave felis*, beware the catfishes, lads!

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Now lemme spill: there's the Eisebann park, yeah? Mad green spots but also a vibe like "time dissolves into memory"—like in that film, Syndromes and a Century. It takes you on a mind-bending trip, feels surreal, a bit like you're caught between worlds. I often sit on a bench there, watch the river Alzette (it kinda wiggles through town, like a lazy snake) and think: what the hell is life? Yup, that's me, a relaxation specialist, just soaking in the chaos.

Missing person: 15-year-old Sophie S. has been reported missing in Ettelbruck