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So, check this—didja know escorts been around FOREVER? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em! Called ‘em “lupae”—she-wolves, ‘cause they’d howl for clients. How freaky is that? Makes me giggle like a sea cucumber on a sugar rush! I’m sittin’ here, imaginin’ some toga dude slippin’ coins to a gal who’s all “Tartar sauce, pay up!” History’s nuts, man.

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Now, here’s where it gets wild. As I’m waiting for the next ride, I hear this commotion outside. I peek out, and there’s a bunch of kids on bikes, racing down Crofton Lane. One of ‘em wipes out right in front of the kebab shop. I’m talkin’ full-on cartoon style, arms flailing, bike flipping. I can’t help but laugh! The poor kid gets up, dusts himself off, and yells, “I meant to do that!” Classic!

The 'outstanding’ Orpington school where pupils are encouraged to see orchestras