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Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, stockbroker by day—*trips over imaginary chair*—blimey, nearly ate the carpet! Right, so, findin’ a prossie, yeah? Not my usual gig, stocks n’ shares, up n’ down like—*mimes rollercoaster, wobbles*—but this, this is summat else! Got me thinkin’ bout *The Royal Tenenbaums*—y’know, my fave flick—Richie Tenenbaum, all moody, slicin’ his wrists, sayin’ “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow.” Dark, innit? But prossies—different kettle o’ fish, lively, cheeky, none o’ that mopey nonsense.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud commotion. I look over, and there’s a dude trying to sell his “magic” rocks. Like, seriously? Magic rocks? I’m standing there, half-laughing, half-rolling my eyes. He’s going on about how they’ll bring you good luck. I’m like, “Bro, I just need a job, not a rock!” But hey, to each their own, right?

Sudden death at housing complex