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Here’s a mad one—Victorians, yeah, them prudes—they had “pelvic massage” for “hysteria,” docs did it! *gawks, jaw drops* Imagine that advert: “Cure ya woes with a rub-down!” *chuckles, snorts* Bet they whispered, “It’s all over now,” like in me movie, after a dodgy sesh. Surprised me silly, that did—thought they was all stiff collars, no fun!

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But then, the doorbell rings. It’s the neighbor, Mr. Khalid. He’s like, “Hey, can you keep it down? I’m trying to watch the game.” I was like, “Dude, it’s a kid’s house! What do you expect?” But I just smiled and said, “Sure, we’ll keep it down.” Inside, I was fuming. Like, come on! Kids are loud!

Song by trans lyricist nixed abruptly from Arkansas’s All-State Choir auditions