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Little known fact, right? Back in the 90s, pre-apps, people used newspaper ads for this shite. “Horny lad seeks lass”—mental! Found that in some dusty web archive, blew my mind. Nowadays, it’s all DMs and dick pics. Mate, I’m raging—why’s everyone so thick? You don’t send a blurry cock shot first, you muppet! Start with “alright darlin’,” at least.

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After that, I head down to the Rhine. The water’s calling my name, ya know? I’m all geared up, ready to dive into the deep blue. But then, bam! I see this group of tourists on the bridge. They’re taking selfies, and one of them drops their phone. It’s like slow-mo, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “Dude, that’s gonna hurt.” And it does! The phone goes splat on the rocks. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who needs a phone when you’ve got a view like this?

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