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Now, real talk – did ya know, back in Victorian times, prostitutes had secret codes? Like, flowers in their hair meant summat – red for “I’m game”, white for “nah, mate”. Chuck that in the game, little Easter egg, yeah? Players’d be like, “Blimey, that’s clever!” – gets me all giddy, that does. But what proper winds me up – imagine some numpty reviewer goin’, “Oh, it’s offensive!” Mate, it’s a laugh, lighten up! I’d be gutted if they missed the point – it’s art, innit, not a bleedin’ sermon.

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Then I decided to check out the Pasir Ris Sports Complex. Thought I’d catch a game or something. But nah, it was just a bunch of aunties doing tai chi. I mean, no shade, but I was hopin’ for some action. Instead, I got a front-row seat to the slowest martial arts show ever.

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