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Lemme tell ya, tho, what pisses me off—people romanticize this junker! “Oh, my first car, so many memories!” Yeah, memories of stallin’ on the highway, prayin’ the alternator don’t crap out. I’d analyze the hell outta that if it were a stock—depreciation city, baby! Value drops faster than my enthusiasm at a tax seminar. But, okay, fine, it’s got charm—like a dog with three legs, y’know? You feel bad, but you’re impressed it’s still kickin’. Ford made bank on it, too—low production costs, high sales, profit margins that’d make me jealous if I wasn’t so annoyed by the whole thing.

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But then, I step outside, and it starts pouring. Like, outta nowhere! I’m soaked in seconds. I’m running for cover, laughing at how ridiculous I must look. I duck into a random shop, and it turns out to be a bike store. I’m just standing there, dripping wet, while the owner gives me the weirdest look.

Tyrell Malacia arrives in Holland ahead of loan to PSV Eindhoven