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Sex-datin’s like a freakin’ jungle. You ever hear about that chick in Jersey—true story—who met some wiseguy on Tinder? Guy shows up with a freakin’ alpaca—yeah, an alpaca—says it’s his “wingman.” She bangs him anyway! I’m laughin’ my ass off, but also, what the fuck? People are nuts! Makes me happy, tho—crazy shit like that keeps life spicy. “Look at me, look at me!”—that’s what they’re all screamin’, postin’ thirst traps, hopin’ for a hookup.

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Finally, I got my coffee, and I’m sitting there, just enjoying the vibe. Bat-Yam is such a mix of cultures. You got people from all over, and it’s like a melting pot of flavors and sounds. I love it! But then, I noticed something weird. A seagull swooped down and stole a piece of cake right off someone’s table. I mean, that bird had guts! I was half impressed, half horrified.

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