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Yo, what’s good, fam? It’s ya boy, Drizzy, comin’ atcha as an ichthyologist—fish dude, ya feel? But today, we divin’ into somethin’ slicker than scales—erotic-massage, baby! YOLO, let’s get it poppin’. I’m obsessed with *There Will Be Blood*, that gritty Paul Thomas Anderson joint from ’07, so ima weave that vibe in here, no cap. Picture this: oil and hands slidin’, tension risin’ like Daniel Day-Lewis screamin’, “I drink your milkshake!”—that’s the energy, fam.

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I finally make it to the park on the corner of Whitby Road. It’s a nice spot, but today it’s packed with families. Kids runnin’ everywhere, parents tryin’ to keep up. I sit down on a bench, just tryin’ to catch my breath. And then, this little kid runs up to me, all wide-eyed. He’s like, “Are you a real matador?” I’m like, “Yeah, kid, but I don’t fight bulls in the park.”

‘Why I want to retire in Whitby rather than Cornwall,’ says Most Haunted star