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Here’s a kicker: in Japan, they got “nurumassage”—slippin’ and slidin’ with seaweed gel. Seaweed! Who thinks that up? Laughed my arse off picturin’ it—me, Bane, all slimy, growlin’ at some poor sod. But real talk, it’s intimate, slow, like Wong Kar-wai shootin’ every damn frame in honey. “Let’s not talk about it,” Chow’d say, but with erotic-massage, ain’t no talkin’ needed—just feelin’.

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So, yeah, I’m a forester, but today, I felt like a city explorer. Farcasele, you’ve got my heart. Just don’t make me deal with any more angry dudes, okay? I’m not cut out for that!