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Risky it be, tho—catfish abound! “You either die a hero,” or swipe a fake, I reckon. Got duped once—photo hot, real her, not so much. Angry? Nah, laughed I did—lesson it was. Check pics twice, padawan!

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Then, the craziest thing happens. A call comes in from a tourist. They’re lost, like, really lost. They thought they were in Bellagio! I’m like, “Nah, buddy, you’re in Cosio-Valtellino. You took a wrong turn at the roundabout.” He’s panicking, asking for directions. I’m trying to explain, but my brain’s like spaghetti. I’m mixing up streets, and I can hear him getting more confused. Finally, I just tell him to look for the big church. Everyone knows the church, right?

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