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So, I tried it. Tinder, Bumble, whatever. Profiles got pics of abs, dogs, and thirst traps. I’m scrollin’, thinkin’, “This ain’t love, fam.” It’s a meat market, straight up. Little known fact—dudes lie about height, like, 87% of the time. Saw a study somewhere, blew my mind. I’m 5’10”, swear I’m 6’2” online—nobody checks! Hilarious. Girls do it too—filters so thick they catfishin’ themselves. Met one chick, thought she was 25. Nope, 40. Surprise, motherfucker!

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I get to the center, and guess what? The projector’s on the fritz. Like, come on! I’m tryin’ to present, and all I get is a black screen. I’m about to lose it. I mean, how hard can it be? It’s 2023! I’m ready to throw my laptop out the window. But then, this lovely lady, Mary, steps in. She’s like a tech wizard or somethin’. Fixes it in a jiffy. I’m like, “You’re my hero!”

Holland re-signs for 2025