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About Jerusalem

So, check it—massage been around forever. Ancient Greeks? Oiled up dudes, rubbin’ backs, sneaky-like. Egyptians too—Cleopatra got freaky with it, rose petals and all. Little known fact: Japan’s got this “nurumassage”—slippery as hell, seaweed gel, legit bonkers. Watched some X vids on it—my alien eyes popped! Humans slidin’ like eels, I’m like, “No face, no face!”—total Miyazaki vibes.

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So, I get home, and I’m feelin’ all proud of my haul. I decide to make some dinner. I chop up those peppers, and WHOA! They’re like fire! I’m sweatin’ bullets, but I’m too stubborn to stop. I’m makin’ this crazy stir-fry, and it’s lookin’ good. But then, I accidentally spill some sauce. It’s everywhere! My kitchen looks like a crime scene. I’m cursing like a sailor.

Reservist soldier killed in yesterday's Hezbollah drone attack on northern town, army announces