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Me fave film, *Uncle Boonmee*, fits this escort ting perfect, bruv. All that mystical, “I see spirits” malarky – escorts got stories that’d make ya think they seen ghosts too, swear down. One lad told me he felt “touched by somethin’ ancient” after a job. I’m like, bruv, you ain’t wrong – it’s a mad old world, this!

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After that chaos, I head over to Via Garibaldi. I’m thinking, “Let’s grab a slice of pizza.” I mean, who can resist, right? I walk into this little joint, and the smell hits me like a freight train. I order a margherita, and while I’m waiting, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just trying to enjoy my pizza, people! They’re going back and forth about who left the lights on. I’m like, “Dude, just turn them off next time!”

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