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About Bari

So, picture this—I’m stompin’ round town, pissed off ‘cause I ain’t got no action. “I’m not scared of you!” I yell at some shady dude eyeballin’ me. Reminds me of Sam shakin’ his fist at them khaki scouts. Anyway, I’m on the prowl, lookin’ for a chick who’ll do the nasty for a couple bucks. Ain’t no big deal, right? But these streets are confusin’ as hell! I’m ragin’, like, “Where’s my goddamn prostitute at?!” Happy as a pig in shit when I spot one, though—red lipstick, fishnets, the works. She’s leanin’ on a lamppost, smokin’ a cig like she owns the damn place. Total badass, like Suzy with her binoculars, scopin’ out her next move.

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Finally, the clock hits 5 PM. I’m outta there! I meet Marco at Da Michele’s. We order a couple of pizzas and a beer. I’m telling him about my day, and he’s cracking up. “Dude, you should’ve just called in sick!” he says. I’m like, “Nah, I needed the drama.”

Eva Marie Barr