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But mate, the weirdos – oh, they’re out there! Sex-dating’s a gamble, innit? Some geezer once asked me to wear a clown mask – “Sharon!” – I’m like, “What the fuck’s this?” Told him to sod off quick! Then there’s the ghostin’ – they shag ya then vanish, poof! “I need to know who he is,” I’m thinkin’, like Graysmith in *Zodiac*, obsessed n’ shit. Drives ya mental!

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I duck into a café on the corner of K Rd and Symonds St. Grab a flat white, because, duh, I need caffeine. The barista’s a legend, though. She’s like, “You look like you’ve had a rough day.” I laugh and tell her about the landlord. She’s all, “You should’ve just told him to chill!” I love that.

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