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I’m sweatin’, thinkin’ – am I a perv? Nah, just curious, y’know? Then this cop rolls by, and I’m like, “Oh crap, I’m toast!” Reminds me of that scene – “You’re a very attentive man.” Yeah, attentive to not gettin’ busted! I duck into an alley, heart poundin’. Fun fact: in old NYC, hookers used church bells to signal clients. Nuts, right? Anyway, she’s waitin’, smirkin’. I’m all, “How you doin’?” again, ‘cause I’m smooth like that. She’s like, “You’re a real charmer, huh?” Sarcasm drippin’, but I’m in.

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So, I’m standing there, feeling all mopey, when I spot this old dude feeding the pigeons. I swear, he had like a hundred of them around him. I thought, “Man, I need that kind of dedication in my life.” But then, outta nowhere, one of the pigeons swoops down and snatches his sandwich! I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy was furious! He started waving his arms like a madman. I mean, it was hilarious.

Biker taken to hospital after collision between motorbike and van in Carnforth