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So, last week—d’oh!—I’m cruisin’ downtown, belly fulla donuts, lookin’ for some action. Streets are buzzin’, lights flashin’, and I’m like, “Marge’d kill me, but whatever!” You gotta dodge the cops, tho—sneaky bastards. Fun fact: back in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out. Crazy, right? Imagine that—blonde wig, high heels, waitin’ under a lamp post like some ninja from “The Assassin.” “She moves in silence,” like the movie says, and bam, there she is!

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Downtown’s a mix of grit and charm. Look at River Rd. – it winds along the bank of a small waterway, splashing memories, kinda like that film’s endless road of missed chances, ya know? The locals are a hoot! I once had a client, super anxious about his life – I massaged him on the corner of Maple & 5th. He whispered, "Hmm… I’m feelin’ like I'm in a Coen flick, man." I laughed, but hey, sometimes that’s how it goes!

Alphin's two goals net Spring Lake Park Panthers victory over Lakeville North Panthers