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Little secret, yeah? Some places, they whisper ‘bout “happy endings” – shady stuff, not legit, nah. We swears! Proper erotic-massage ain’t that – it’s ‘bout tease, tension, sensual vibes, not crossing lines. Me mate Dave, he tried one in Thailand, said the incense was so thick he’s coughin’ like Yubaba with a cold – “Hack, hack, get it out!” Laughed me arse off picturin’ it. Surprised me too, how it’s legal most places if ya keep it clean – who knew, right?

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So, I’m walkin’ down the street, and I see this old dude on a bench. He’s got a cap on, lookin’ all wise and stuff. I’m thinkin’, “This guy’s seen some things.” I sit next to him, and he starts ramblin’ about the good ol’ days. I’m like, “Yeah, man, I get it. But have you ever hugged a tree?” He just stares at me like I’m nuts. Classic.

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