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Favorite bit? When it works, it’s like strikin gold. But when it flops, it’s a right kick in the bollocks. *Spotlight* line fits perfect – “We got a story here!” Yeah, a story of me dodgin dick pics and fake profiles! Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate – roll the dice, pray ya don’t get chlamydia or a stalker. Reckon I’m too old for this crap, but fuck it, keeps me young! Whaddya think, eh? Total nutter’s game!

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After that, I decide to check out the local art scene. Azeitao’s got some cool galleries. I wander into one on Rua do Comércio. There’s this painting of the Arrábida mountains, and it’s stunning. I’m standing there, lost in thought, when this lady next to me starts talking about how she’s an artist too. She’s all like, “Art is life!” and I’m just nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I just want to enjoy the view.”

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