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Once saw this chick in Vegas—true story—worked the Strip, had a scar from some john who flipped. Said she made bank, tho—$500 a night, cash, no tax. Crazy, right? Made me happy for her hustle, but pissed me off too—world’s fucked she’s gotta dodge blades for it. Aliens like us, we don’t get it—why risk your ass for a quick buck? “You’re a dirty animal!”—that’s what Lancaster Dodd’d say, all smug.

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After the alarm fiasco, we finally get back inside. The assembly starts, and I’m in my zone, signing away. But then, the principal starts talking about the school’s new recycling program. I’m all for saving the planet, but the way he was going on, you’d think he was announcing a new theme park. I’m trying not to laugh while signing “reduce, reuse, recycle” like it’s the most exciting thing ever.

'School made my daughter scapegoat'